Mann ka ho toh achcha, Mann ka naa ho toh ussey achchaa!!

End of the two years and its time to reflect back on a few things. These two years have taught me a lot of things, taught me to judge people and taught me to love people and hate them.
Last few weeks have been a turmoil and I have endlessly contemplated as to how something like this can happen to me. For someone, who's always thought of being the one who's blessed and can keep his girl happy, it was a shocker to see everything fall apart. However, inspite of sleepless nights of pondering over what went wrong, I still cant come to a conclusion.
I for one, don't really blame her and neither do I blame myself. I probably couldn't see her moving away and finally it fell off as a shocker. I am or was, I dont know still very much think about her. But, then I remember this age old maxim " Mann ka ho toh achcha, Mann ka naa ho toh ussey achcha".

Did I want to break away from her, NO!! Did I want her to do what she did, NO!!
But things happen, so there's no point in pondering over spilled milk. Lets stop brooding and think ahead.
So here's a list I plan to do with the now extra time I have:

1. Learn a musical instrument: Its a high time I have kept this promise. I sort of pick something up and leave it mid-way. Its time to complete this one
2. Start Reading : I need to bring that interest of reading endlessly back. Books have always helped me cope up.
3. Listen to endless music
4. Be flirtacious
5. Work-Out

For all the good times ahead!! Ciao!!

Say Ur Sorry!!

Human psych is such an interesting object of study. You have friends and you don't think twice before making an odd-joke that makes the entire gang burst out into laughter. You think you are the star of the show without realizing you might have actually hurt someone. Your stupid attempt to be the maverick of the group is at the expense of that dear friend and you don't even think post making that snide remark.

It's only when you are at the other end of the arrow you realize your stupidity and then you can't stop thinking about how foolish you were. You try to defend your logic and your own words continue to bind you.

We all think, what is the right way to behave in a situation. How many times, we come out of an Interview and think, Shit! I should Have answered that in this manner or the first date you have, you think 'Damn! Am I making sense? Is she Bored ?'. Well, I think the answer is there is No right way to behave. There can be no two people who behave in the same manner and have exact same opinion. Each conversation, Each fight you have and Each post-explanation phase is a new Learning curve.

So, Don't shy away from saying you are sorry, coz you never know you might be at the other end of the barrel and then you'd remember all the times you wanted to say sorry and give your best friend a tight hug, which you didn't.

Cheers!!
 

Its all about growing up!!

I know its been long since I have posted anything and the self made promise of writing seems long forgotten.
I cant believe its been two years since I been to a new world altogether. The experience of Hostel life has been full of ups and downs. Great friends, Night-outs, late Night walks, crazy dancing and of-course getting high!!
Its hard to tell whether these days have bought about any change in me. I am still being titled as the immature 'Chakshu' of the batch and treated as a kid who needs to be told to make his bed, but I guess all this I do on purpose. I haven't still come to terms with the fact that I need to grow up. Growing up and being all mature sounds so Touche' to me. I still enjoy playing on the merry-go round and the 4'o clock kiklii. The crazy running around and laughing like there's no tomorrow still gives me the same adrenalin rush as it used to. I guess I am immature and foolish, but that is more out of choice and I think this is what separates me from the rest. I think God didn't give me the sensibility to think beyond a point, analyze whats going on and make decision accordingly. I like taking things as it come and that I wouldn't want to change.
I am glad to have made the best of friends. Friends that I think would stick by, but I have also come to terms with the fact that everything is so momentary in nature. Friendship has its own period, It lives its time and then it diminishes in its intensity. These two years have made me realize that life in itself is a wonderful gift and learn to live it, respect it. I would always plan out things, but do I know whats coming in tomorrow, what is going to hit me one hour from now on is uncertain and this freaks me out. I get up in the morning and  look into the mirror and ask myself, If this is going to be my last day what would I do. I think I have so many people to thank, so many people I'd like to hug and say that I love you, so many people to say Sorry. Yes, Friendship is an important component, but I think like anything else Its transitory and loses its sheen as years go by. I'll make new friends, and lose touch with old one's. Does this make me a distant person, I dont know.. and I aint giving in too much thought to it.I think we all should live life on a daily basis rather than making it an itinerary.
Ok, I admit, I have grown up..maybe a little. There are times, when I cant stop cursing myself. I need to take some responsibilities. Some that are not the obvious one's. My parents are proud of me and I love my family, However, I cant blame them for thinking am still a kid. Ok, an Overgrown kid maybe. My Mom keeps scolding me of not acting like a grown up. I think when I am at home, I again go back to being the school boy I used to be, with little regard to whats going around me instead of being the responsible guy a 24 year should be like. OK...I AM 24. But I think, I am already taking that. I think, my parents themselves look at me as the 15 year old school boy and I guess that aint changing anytime soon.
Last two years have had their share of sorrows and happiness. The sorrow part is too hard to be written, Maybe thats for the part 2 of the post. However, the same has made me realize that how quickly time has grown and how quickly world can turn upside down. It made me respect people around me,Made me love them a little more and made me smile a LOT more. It made me go back into those days, when grudges used to last for not more than 1/2 hour coz anyways, What's the fun in growing up?

Cheers!!
P.S: I hope to write more!!
PP.S: Got back my swagger biyatch!!

10 things I would want before the Planet-I experience

I have been postponing some to-do bucket list stuff, that I thought I would want to get/do before finally entering the B-School and working my ass off.
So here is a list of stuff I plan:

1.Get an apple product. I-Pad. Its with an 'I' afterall , being a shaadi dancer and not having on-the go music is killing the enthu in me.

2.Get kishore kumar collection.

3.Make a documentary. Have been planning it for a long time, its time to move the lazy bum

4.Watch plays/theater. The actor in me wants a vent out space.

5.Go backpacking, i think it would be a change setter for me.

6.Eat and run out without paying. It should be fun to do that.

7.Learn to do a head-stand. Damn, its time I learnt a new b-boy trick.

8.Roam about Delhi, Its been 23 years in this city and I havent even seen half of it.

9.Learn to cook. Thats something I try and give up every time.

10. And for heaven sake, get a Girl-friend. Am 23 and single. Oh cummon even the fat guy next door roams around with a dumb-witted chick by his side.

End of an era...

As I sit in my room all alone staring at all the old pictures of  how these four years passed by, the sense of finally growing up seeps in. As I write this post with soft music playing by in the background, slowly I picture myself leaving my fathers tight fisted palm and running all alone. There is no one around and I am scared. I realize I am vulnerable for the first time and its time to hunt on my own.This mind races back to the first day of entering the world of DCE, The gates,the road entrapped between trees on both sides, the classroom, the table. every stone, every brick carries a Story.
Slowly, I see myself reliving those moments and with each passing moment I feel more in-secured. I see myself lying carelessly on the warm grass of OAT, sipping hot chocolate and carelessly roaming around with the people that made me what I am today. I relive those moments of getting drenched and those moments when I didn't know what lie the next day and frankly didn't care how good/bad it would be. I see myself sitting on the white-yellow footpath and discussing the most absurd topic that could be. I see those walks and I see those long drives around. I see myself having a crush on someone and then laughing about it. I reminiscent the carefree night outs and slowly relive each moment of impulse, the moment of wildly jumping in a lake and coming out stenching all over. I again make those friends I made, I crack those jokes again and I apologize again for all the absurdities I did.
Its an ocean and slowly the sea is residing back leaving behind the wet  sand. I miss those free waves and I know that a new wave would eventually take over.
But today is the time to see back, to look back and see the child growing.As I write this, it feels heavy at heart to look back at the once young boy, eager to impress everyone around and make friends. The young boy did not know what lay ahead. The roller coaster ride of meeting the GANG, of making best friends with fellow travelers and getting so much love from them. The experience of the first drink, the experience of the first sleep over, the experience of the first crush. Today its time to get out.
I look around and I find myself all alone. There are question marks all around. There are sacks of responsibilities, sacks of  the need to get matured up, the burden of finally Growing up, ready to be laid on these shoulders. I still am uncertain about thefuture. There are doubts and I am scared to wander out alone.
What is left is hope, Hope to make a better path to walk on, hope to leave a leagcy. Hope to relive what i leave behind.

That smile fades away.....

As i walked into the room, I saw a familiar small timid body sleeping peacefully.Her face had the calmness of a baby and I could hear her distinct breathing in, breathing out rotations.Her face was a criss-cross of wrinkles and yet, the skin radiated the aura of purity and innocence of a child. With a slightly bent posture,teethless jaw and snow-white strand of hair combed back neatly,even while sleeping, she seemed as light as a feather.
My slightest movement woke her up and she saw the outline of my face.The grey eyes was losing the battle of life,yet a familiar figure bought about a youthful smile on her.The toothless smile,was so pure so naive that it swelled me up. As I was about to leave, she slowly called out my name " 'Noni'. baith mere saath". She has always been my hide-out shelter,no matter what I did,She always found an excuse to defend me.
How do you live this life, all things around you are so temporary. Yes, she Left me, she left us all. That face which exasperated life, now lay rock hard.The smile, was replaced by a permanent tight lipped grim. Yet she seemed at peace, Yet she seemed to say.."NONI...BAITH MERE SAATH". The void slowly gripped me and the feeling of truly being alone overwhelmed my body. She lived a happy life, she lived a complete life she lived LIFE.
bye AMMA, u'LL BE missed MAA..
P.s cant write No MORE.

Who am I?

WHO AM I?

AGE 12..who am I?...I am superman...saving the planet...impressing Louis lane...who am I?...am teacher’s favourite student.....mamma’s boy....no qualms...no cut throat race to prove yourself...just me..myself..am happy for things like throwing water balloons or silently nicking away 2 more crackers from my sister’s packet or giving the girl sitting next to you a peck on her cheek. .. who am I? I don’t care and am happy..

Age 17-18... who am I?....am confused..I got no directions...am a boat..with oars but no captain to lead the way...swayed by ‘friends’ ...hunger to prove yourself...I know its not me..it just doesn’t feel right...but I want to prove MYSELF TO my family..my ‘friends’...the ‘SAMAJ’...who’d ruthlessly judge you. .am into so called elite group ...who am I?...I am the guy who wants to impress the girl sitting on the adjacent bench..but cannot do so...I stay aloof...and whatever I talk is of SCIENCE..how did stupid Einstein did his E=MC^2 crap...or how much did I score in my TS..peer pressure makes me continue something I really wasn’t interested in OR was i....CONFUSED?? who am I? I am full of testosterone rushing in..ready for a fight ....Ifeel am smart..thinking “if they can do it..why cant I”..I foolishly follow everything and anything.....who am I.. I feel cheated....I feel humiliated..I feel alone..I feel REJECTED...who am I?...I DON'T care..am nowhere..

Age 20...who am I? where am I?...I love my friends....I live life on my own terms..there’s no burden..but isnt it all hypothetical..isnt it all temporary...I start feeling this heavy weight..weight of constant scrutiny..weight of expectations..weight of growing up..from a child..to a boy...to a man...you get to hear “what are you doing BETA”..”u’r 20..and still dependant on others for every small facet influencing your life” ... who am I..I am a rebel..love defying the norms and the “oh!you are supposed to behave this way in front of A ,B,C”..there’s constant struggle of prioritising things and yet my indolence makes me postpone stuff ..it makes me impulsive...I love the sweet freedom which I use and misuse..I got answers for everything....my justifications..logical or illogical, it doesn’t matter....however deep down..somewhere..subdued by the crazy shouts of “ALL EEZ WELL”...by my indifferent attitude towards anything that’s against my sensibilities..I fear the next step i’ll have to take...am scared...am scared to grow...am apprehensive of finally shouldering responsibilities...what have I done that can be labelled momentous...who am I..am X’s son...Y’s brother...Z’s nephew...what is MY identity?..who am I..a good SON?.a good sibling?.a GOOD FRIEND?...and the search continues..