WHO AM I?
AGE 12..who am I?...I am superman...saving the planet...impressing Louis lane...who am I?...am teacher’s favourite student.....mamma’s boy....no qualms...no cut throat race to prove yourself...just me..myself..am happy for things like throwing water balloons or silently nicking away 2 more crackers from my sister’s packet or giving the girl sitting next to you a peck on her cheek. .. who am I? I don’t care and am happy..
Age 17-18... who am I?....am confused..I got no directions...am a boat..with oars but no captain to lead the way...swayed by ‘friends’ ...hunger to prove yourself...I know its not me..it just doesn’t feel right...but I want to prove MYSELF TO my family..my ‘friends’...the ‘SAMAJ’...who’d ruthlessly judge you. .am into so called elite group ...who am I?...I am the guy who wants to impress the girl sitting on the adjacent bench..but cannot do so...I stay aloof...and whatever I talk is of SCIENCE..how did stupid Einstein did his E=MC^2 crap...or how much did I score in my TS..peer pressure makes me continue something I really wasn’t interested in OR was i....CONFUSED?? who am I? I am full of testosterone rushing in..ready for a fight ....Ifeel am smart..thinking “if they can do it..why cant I”..I foolishly follow everything and anything.....who am I.. I feel cheated....I feel humiliated..I feel alone..I feel REJECTED...who am I?...I DON'T care..am nowhere..
Age 20...who am I? where am I?...I love my friends....I live life on my own terms..there’s no burden..but isnt it all hypothetical..isnt it all temporary...I start feeling this heavy weight..weight of constant scrutiny..weight of expectations..weight of growing up..from a child..to a boy...to a man...you get to hear “what are you doing BETA”..”u’r 20..and still dependant on others for every small facet influencing your life” ... who am I..I am a rebel..love defying the norms and the “oh!you are supposed to behave this way in front of A ,B,C”..there’s constant struggle of prioritising things and yet my indolence makes me postpone stuff ..it makes me impulsive...I love the sweet freedom which I use and misuse..I got answers for everything....my justifications..logical or illogical, it doesn’t matter....however deep down..somewhere..subdued by the crazy shouts of “ALL EEZ WELL”...by my indifferent attitude towards anything that’s against my sensibilities..I fear the next step i’ll have to take...am scared...am scared to grow...am apprehensive of finally shouldering responsibilities...what have I done that can be labelled momentous...who am I..am X’s son...Y’s brother...Z’s nephew...what is MY identity?..who am I..a good SON?.a good sibling?.a GOOD FRIEND?...and the search continues..
Saturday, April 14, 2012
Thursday, April 12, 2012
Of all the rolla ruppa
This is going to be my vent out space so if anyone stumbled upon this piece looking for philosophical,ethereal,surreal,techno thoughts or to read some inspiro poetry, i think you should quickly click the X marker.
Entering 23rd year of life has been weird.For one this one entered with the Honey Singh "DOPE-SHOPE".classic.I hoped this year would be something like "CALCUTTA CALLING". funny how you think 5 years down the road would be.If day dreaming was to be counted as a hobby, sure I'd speak loads on it. But then nobody would want to hear about an X guy getting off a bike, with girls drooling all around and finally entering his office where he plays golf all day. Really.
Ajwani Shouted "BEST PARTEE EVER"..oops back the reality and being beaten up mercilessly by a gang of drunk soldiers singing happy budday all along. HIC.
The day after though turned to be the upside of it. SORRY dude, rejected IT was. AND there dropped the shoulders.Now where the heck are those car keys. I want to go back home and eat this misery out. Yes, chocolate truffle you are going to make me go through this pain. Everything seemed so damn quiet. Karan johar, 'dude' you can make a fukin movie on this. Phone call. reject. message. Oh gaddamn , let me be in peace.
My mum went into the "mera betaa sabse best phase". There came the shahi paneer and the ice-cream. HELLO. I GOT REJECTED.
the night phone calls got accepted and yes they were all nice.Your's truly did make some HO-SUM frnds and yes the soldier is ready for the next battle. Half dead though.
Cheers.
Entering 23rd year of life has been weird.For one this one entered with the Honey Singh "DOPE-SHOPE".classic.I hoped this year would be something like "CALCUTTA CALLING". funny how you think 5 years down the road would be.If day dreaming was to be counted as a hobby, sure I'd speak loads on it. But then nobody would want to hear about an X guy getting off a bike, with girls drooling all around and finally entering his office where he plays golf all day. Really.
Ajwani Shouted "BEST PARTEE EVER"..oops back the reality and being beaten up mercilessly by a gang of drunk soldiers singing happy budday all along. HIC.
The day after though turned to be the upside of it. SORRY dude, rejected IT was. AND there dropped the shoulders.Now where the heck are those car keys. I want to go back home and eat this misery out. Yes, chocolate truffle you are going to make me go through this pain. Everything seemed so damn quiet. Karan johar, 'dude' you can make a fukin movie on this. Phone call. reject. message. Oh gaddamn , let me be in peace.
My mum went into the "mera betaa sabse best phase". There came the shahi paneer and the ice-cream. HELLO. I GOT REJECTED.
the night phone calls got accepted and yes they were all nice.Your's truly did make some HO-SUM frnds and yes the soldier is ready for the next battle. Half dead though.
Cheers.
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