10 things I would want before the Planet-I experience

I have been postponing some to-do bucket list stuff, that I thought I would want to get/do before finally entering the B-School and working my ass off.
So here is a list of stuff I plan:

1.Get an apple product. I-Pad. Its with an 'I' afterall , being a shaadi dancer and not having on-the go music is killing the enthu in me.

2.Get kishore kumar collection.

3.Make a documentary. Have been planning it for a long time, its time to move the lazy bum

4.Watch plays/theater. The actor in me wants a vent out space.

5.Go backpacking, i think it would be a change setter for me.

6.Eat and run out without paying. It should be fun to do that.

7.Learn to do a head-stand. Damn, its time I learnt a new b-boy trick.

8.Roam about Delhi, Its been 23 years in this city and I havent even seen half of it.

9.Learn to cook. Thats something I try and give up every time.

10. And for heaven sake, get a Girl-friend. Am 23 and single. Oh cummon even the fat guy next door roams around with a dumb-witted chick by his side.

End of an era...

As I sit in my room all alone staring at all the old pictures of  how these four years passed by, the sense of finally growing up seeps in. As I write this post with soft music playing by in the background, slowly I picture myself leaving my fathers tight fisted palm and running all alone. There is no one around and I am scared. I realize I am vulnerable for the first time and its time to hunt on my own.This mind races back to the first day of entering the world of DCE, The gates,the road entrapped between trees on both sides, the classroom, the table. every stone, every brick carries a Story.
Slowly, I see myself reliving those moments and with each passing moment I feel more in-secured. I see myself lying carelessly on the warm grass of OAT, sipping hot chocolate and carelessly roaming around with the people that made me what I am today. I relive those moments of getting drenched and those moments when I didn't know what lie the next day and frankly didn't care how good/bad it would be. I see myself sitting on the white-yellow footpath and discussing the most absurd topic that could be. I see those walks and I see those long drives around. I see myself having a crush on someone and then laughing about it. I reminiscent the carefree night outs and slowly relive each moment of impulse, the moment of wildly jumping in a lake and coming out stenching all over. I again make those friends I made, I crack those jokes again and I apologize again for all the absurdities I did.
Its an ocean and slowly the sea is residing back leaving behind the wet  sand. I miss those free waves and I know that a new wave would eventually take over.
But today is the time to see back, to look back and see the child growing.As I write this, it feels heavy at heart to look back at the once young boy, eager to impress everyone around and make friends. The young boy did not know what lay ahead. The roller coaster ride of meeting the GANG, of making best friends with fellow travelers and getting so much love from them. The experience of the first drink, the experience of the first sleep over, the experience of the first crush. Today its time to get out.
I look around and I find myself all alone. There are question marks all around. There are sacks of responsibilities, sacks of  the need to get matured up, the burden of finally Growing up, ready to be laid on these shoulders. I still am uncertain about thefuture. There are doubts and I am scared to wander out alone.
What is left is hope, Hope to make a better path to walk on, hope to leave a leagcy. Hope to relive what i leave behind.

That smile fades away.....

As i walked into the room, I saw a familiar small timid body sleeping peacefully.Her face had the calmness of a baby and I could hear her distinct breathing in, breathing out rotations.Her face was a criss-cross of wrinkles and yet, the skin radiated the aura of purity and innocence of a child. With a slightly bent posture,teethless jaw and snow-white strand of hair combed back neatly,even while sleeping, she seemed as light as a feather.
My slightest movement woke her up and she saw the outline of my face.The grey eyes was losing the battle of life,yet a familiar figure bought about a youthful smile on her.The toothless smile,was so pure so naive that it swelled me up. As I was about to leave, she slowly called out my name " 'Noni'. baith mere saath". She has always been my hide-out shelter,no matter what I did,She always found an excuse to defend me.
How do you live this life, all things around you are so temporary. Yes, she Left me, she left us all. That face which exasperated life, now lay rock hard.The smile, was replaced by a permanent tight lipped grim. Yet she seemed at peace, Yet she seemed to say.."NONI...BAITH MERE SAATH". The void slowly gripped me and the feeling of truly being alone overwhelmed my body. She lived a happy life, she lived a complete life she lived LIFE.
bye AMMA, u'LL BE missed MAA..
P.s cant write No MORE.

Who am I?

WHO AM I?

AGE 12..who am I?...I am superman...saving the planet...impressing Louis lane...who am I?...am teacher’s favourite student.....mamma’s boy....no qualms...no cut throat race to prove yourself...just me..myself..am happy for things like throwing water balloons or silently nicking away 2 more crackers from my sister’s packet or giving the girl sitting next to you a peck on her cheek. .. who am I? I don’t care and am happy..

Age 17-18... who am I?....am confused..I got no directions...am a boat..with oars but no captain to lead the way...swayed by ‘friends’ ...hunger to prove yourself...I know its not me..it just doesn’t feel right...but I want to prove MYSELF TO my family..my ‘friends’...the ‘SAMAJ’...who’d ruthlessly judge you. .am into so called elite group ...who am I?...I am the guy who wants to impress the girl sitting on the adjacent bench..but cannot do so...I stay aloof...and whatever I talk is of SCIENCE..how did stupid Einstein did his E=MC^2 crap...or how much did I score in my TS..peer pressure makes me continue something I really wasn’t interested in OR was i....CONFUSED?? who am I? I am full of testosterone rushing in..ready for a fight ....Ifeel am smart..thinking “if they can do it..why cant I”..I foolishly follow everything and anything.....who am I.. I feel cheated....I feel humiliated..I feel alone..I feel REJECTED...who am I?...I DON'T care..am nowhere..

Age 20...who am I? where am I?...I love my friends....I live life on my own terms..there’s no burden..but isnt it all hypothetical..isnt it all temporary...I start feeling this heavy weight..weight of constant scrutiny..weight of expectations..weight of growing up..from a child..to a boy...to a man...you get to hear “what are you doing BETA”..”u’r 20..and still dependant on others for every small facet influencing your life” ... who am I..I am a rebel..love defying the norms and the “oh!you are supposed to behave this way in front of A ,B,C”..there’s constant struggle of prioritising things and yet my indolence makes me postpone stuff ..it makes me impulsive...I love the sweet freedom which I use and misuse..I got answers for everything....my justifications..logical or illogical, it doesn’t matter....however deep down..somewhere..subdued by the crazy shouts of “ALL EEZ WELL”...by my indifferent attitude towards anything that’s against my sensibilities..I fear the next step i’ll have to take...am scared...am scared to grow...am apprehensive of finally shouldering responsibilities...what have I done that can be labelled momentous...who am I..am X’s son...Y’s brother...Z’s nephew...what is MY identity?..who am I..a good SON?.a good sibling?.a GOOD FRIEND?...and the search continues..

Of all the rolla ruppa

This is going to be my vent out space so if anyone stumbled upon this piece looking for philosophical,ethereal,surreal,techno thoughts or to read some inspiro poetry, i think you should quickly click the X marker.
Entering 23rd year of life has been weird.For one this one entered with the Honey Singh "DOPE-SHOPE".classic.I hoped this year would be something like "CALCUTTA CALLING". funny how you think 5 years down the road would be.If day dreaming was to be counted as a hobby, sure I'd speak loads on it. But then nobody would want to hear about an X guy getting off a bike, with girls drooling all around and finally entering his office where he plays golf all day. Really.
Ajwani Shouted "BEST PARTEE EVER"..oops back the reality and being beaten up mercilessly by a gang of drunk soldiers singing happy budday all along. HIC.
The day after though turned to be the upside of it. SORRY dude, rejected IT was. AND there dropped the shoulders.Now where the heck are those car keys. I want to go back home and eat this misery out. Yes, chocolate truffle you are going to make me go through this pain. Everything seemed so damn quiet. Karan johar, 'dude' you can make a fukin movie on this. Phone call. reject. message. Oh gaddamn , let me be in peace.
My mum went into the "mera betaa sabse best phase". There came the shahi paneer and the ice-cream. HELLO. I GOT REJECTED.
the night phone calls got accepted and yes they were all nice.Your's truly did make some HO-SUM frnds and yes the soldier is ready for the next battle. Half dead though.

Cheers.